My old college roommate who's now living in Charlotte, NC, emailed me just to see how things were going. I ended up writing back during a very stressful day at work and looking back am somewhat amused at how severe stress and deadline pressure affect the mind.
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Dear Colonel Skelly,

I hope the fortifications down there in Charlotte are holding those damn Yankees at bay.

Sorry I didn't write back sooner.

Gravity has been weighing me down lately.

I am doing OK. Back to running 4-5 times a week. Hold on...I have to "make water"...

...mmmm...much better. And I grabbed lunch. A 2-for-1. Wow! 2 hard-boiled eggs, a yogurt and delicious cottage cheese w/ pineapple...no, peaches! What a feast! I'm living like a GOD over here!!!

I am at work. Physically.

Mentally, I am roaming the vast plains of the unconquered American West riding my giant gopher "Beasley" accompanied by a dozen "fallen women" in corsets and white go-go boots. One or two may actually be men in drag. I need to stay sober enough to not get fooled when it comes time to make the many-backed beast in the ritual harem tent. We aim to find some land and start a utopian love community/used tired distribution center. We're thinking of calling it "Utah".

Oooh...there's breaking news...the office is burning...no, buzzing...that's a relief...something about OJ Simpson...something about OJ Simpson and...and...I can't quite hear...I think he was caught selling Sen. Craig phony sports memorabilia in a public bathroom or something...anyway...

Doing well otherwise. I gave up playing fantasy football this year (last year I was in 7 leagues) so I'll actually go out and run at night and try to keep in shape instead of plunking in front of a computer for 3 hours trying to decide whether the Denver or Minnesota D would be a better waiver wire pickup.

And I'm drawing stuff. I don't know if I told you, but I'm trying to learn how to draw.

I have no abundance talent. But I do have an artistic temperment. So I figure, someone with an artistic temperment should be at least happy doing things approaching art, even if they're not very good at it. Sounds logical to me. Don't know what took me so long to figure it out.

Of course, old fuddy-duddies like C.G. Chesterwell say that artistic temperment is no substitute for artistic talent. I say, "Stop haunting me from the grave C.G. Chesterwell with your constant bathering - if C.G. Chesterwell is even your real name. Hah!"

I must now crack my eggs...this is bad...total disaster on egg #1...I'm as good at peeling hard-boiled eggs as Dubya is winning a war he's already won.

When are you coming up? First week of October? The 6th&7th?

Carol and I are heading up to Salem Sept. 27-Oct. 1. There's a big Congregationalist revival (yeah, both Carol and I have become old-time Congregationalists...was a big surprise to my parents too...love those 4 hour fire-and-brimstone sermons that Rev. Il Sung gives) and witch burning that we just can't miss. All the really cool Congregationalist kids are going.

Getting serious for a minute, have you ever thought about Puritanism. I mean really thought about it. Seeing it for its inherent goodness. It could change your life. It changed mine. I still smoke, drink and fornicate, but I'm more aware of the evilness of these activities now - and I guess that's the first step. And I get to wear this funny hat all the time. Also carry a musket. Good for huntin' turkeys and keeping those pesky Mohicans from breaking into your Honda and boosting you radio.

Damn! I'm at the end of my yogurt.

Egg shells.
Empty yogurt cups.
These are the things I hold dear in my life.

Those and my musket.

Anyway...

Write back soon and let me know when you're coming up?

Peace out,

- Tom